It proves difficult to be in a relationship as an INFJ. The "perfect person" for us is almost always out of reach. My last relationship was with Mr. wonderful. He was protective, creative, different. He had manners and an amazing sense of humor. We actually met through LARPing (live action role playing) of all things. Each date proved almost perfect.
The problem was honestly with me. At first I couldn't explain why I was unhappy with him. Everyone in my family loved him, his family loved me, and he made it clear he wanted a long term relationship. How could I possibly be unhappy? It wasn't until weeks after I ended it that I realized the problem. He was too much for me. He was always either throwing a million different meaningless questions my way or expecting me to talk. If I were anyone else that would have been awesome. However, as an INFJ, I don't like meaningless talk. I run out of energy too fast and end up wanting to go home. The meaningful conversations we had were too much too fast. I knew that he wanted me to trust him, I could feel how much he needed me to, so I often tried to open up. That just made each time going out worse. I knew that there would be a long revealing conversation that I wasn't ready for and that he'd expect me to still be okay afterward.
Another big problem was that we could never just be quiet. As an introvert sometimes I just need silence. I can feel and think more when nothing is being said. If there is always talking than I'm always analyzing the person, not myself. I lose my feelings in the words they say and find myself zoning out or wanting alone time. Even when I was having downtime he needed me to talk. He needed me to text, or call, or be mushy. Once he called me and fussed because I hadn't texted him for a few days then he tried to hold small talk. I was emotionally overloaded at that point and tried my hardest to get off the call (which I hate talking on the phone anyway). The next date I couldn't help but continuously be self-conscious about everything. Was I not good enough? He could definitely do better.
I know it is just as hard for a person to date an INFJ as it is for an INFJ to date in general. However, this many things adding up so quickly caused me to have an emotional shut down. I would just stay in my room and not talk to anyone. I stopped my feelings, stopped caring about other people's feelings, and just stopped. I call this the "INFJ Depression" (I'll write a post going more into that in the future). After, only slightly, reawakening my emotions I ended the relationship. That made me go into another depression because I know that he was the ideal "perfect man" for so many people. He gave me present, held doors open, paid for everything. He cooked like a pro, and was so friendly. However he was just not the guy for me. Maybe someday I'll find "The One", but until then I'm okay with my few close friends. They are more than enough to satisfy my social need.
-Sandra, an INFJ
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